


Bad dreams

by ZetsPsych



Category: Original Work
Genre: Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jokes, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:08:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28250646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZetsPsych/pseuds/ZetsPsych
Summary: It's the second time you've had a bad dream this week. You decide to take matters into your own hands and seek professional help.
Kudos: 1





	Bad dreams

\- Sometimes... I feel like I don't know myself.

You're laying down on the most comfortable couch you've ever been on. You feel like you've left time and space, and your troubled mind is finally at ease. The four walls of the room are white and completely lit up. There isn't a single light source. Everything's a light source. You're literally in the middle of a white void, but at least you've found some peace.

Next to you, a cute, middle aged lady dressed in a purple suit takes notes on her laptop while giving you occasional looks. You're kinda fond of her- like when you befriend the guy who fixes your phone whenever you throw it on the toilet cause he once mentioned he liked that singing show and you both had a nice conversation so now you intentionally break your phone in order to see him and quench your thirst for human connections.

\- Could you please elaborate?  
\- I've been having these dreams lately... and I've woken up drenched in sweat, screaming, feeling like I don't belong on the place I wake up at. Is this normal?  
You hear her holding her laughter back. You feel like you've done a good thing by making her smile.  
\- Of course not. But that's why we're here sweety- We'll check you out good and we'll try to fix you up in some way.  
That word. _Sweety_. That's the reason you keep coming here. At least you aren't doing this to yourself, unlike with your phone.  
\- Could you tell me about one of your dreams from this week?  
\- I uh...  
\- Go on. Don't be nervous. Go ahead.  
\- I... dreamt that I was in a bad anime.  
The lady gives you one of her weird looks.  
\- You... I thought you liked dreaming about being part of an anime? What's wrong with it?  
\- Well, it's, uh, pretty bad. And I woke up feeling lost.  
\- What do you mean by that?  
\- Like in this quote by this uh, this chinese philosopher I think? Asian? The guy that gets quoted at the beginning of the first Persona game. Have you ever played Persona?  
\- Are you seriously trying to explain your reference by using another reference?  
\- Okay you might be right. That's not important, forget it.  
The lady frowns and types something quickly on her laptop. You wonder if she's looking for Megami Ibunroku Persona on eBay. Maybe you could lend her your copy, but-  
\- Concentrate. I need you to talk to me.  
Shit, she's right.  
\- Could you please elaborate on your dream? And try to explain it like a normal person for once?  
\- Well... in my dream I was a man, and I caught the Corona Virus, but its effects were that I turned into a girl with big boobs.  
No response.  
\- Remember the Corona Virus? Back in the day-  
\- I know what the fuck Covid is. What I don't understand is-  
\- Oh, you know. Like a bad anime.  
\- Bad anime.  
\- Horrible anime. Of course my character- I, I mean I- went all "kyaaah~" upon seeing mylsef on the mirror and tried to masturbate because what else would you do in that situation?  
\- I can think of quite a few things.  
\- Yeah but it's a bad anime.  
\- Bad anime.  
\- Awful, awful anime. I go to school in my obviously all-male school, where my friends would make fun of me, and wonder who the cute new girl is. In a couple of days I start developing feelings for my best friend. He's conflicted about me being formerly a man, cause of internalized misogyny, but after seeing me naked when I got out of the shower-  
\- OKAY. Jesus fucking christ, I get it. Bad anime.  
\- _Seriously_ bad anime.

She types some more. You're not sure how to feel about it.  
\- So, you say you woke up...?  
\- Feeling lost, yeah. The dream was _way_ too real. Not sure who I was when I woke up.  
\- Yeah, that shouldn't happen. Definitely something bad.  
\- I can tell.  
\- Okay. What else have you dreamt about?  
\- Last night I had a dream in which I was a reporter.  
She looks at you.  
\- Like a normal reporter?  
\- As normal as it gets.  
\- You, like, didn't grow a dick out of thin air or-  
\- No I was a reporter. Just a reporter.  
\- Okay.  
\- ...  
\- Why didn't you start with that dream?  
\- I dunno.  
\- Okay.  
\- ...  
\- So, what did happen to you as a reporter?  
\- So, I'm this reporter, right? Just some kid fresh out of college, looking to make it big on my local news network.  
\- Okay.  
\- And they give me this piece in which I have to go and interview this family that was conned into giving their life savings to some shady organization so they could make a lot of money.  
\- So far this is the most normal conversation we've ever had.  
\- I know right? Am I boring you?  
\- No, please, go ahead.  
\- So in my investigation I go to this fake ass address they gave the family as their "hq".  
\- Of course.  
\- And I didn't find what I was looking for, but in that place there was this big drug cartel that was absolutely unprepared for me to arrive with a camera man and they surrendered immediately.  
\- ...Sure, why not. That took a turn.  
\- Yes it did. As did my life. I was the town hero and everyone looked up to me.  
\- Obviously.  
\- So I tried to kill myself.  
\- ObvWHAT!?  
\- You know me by now, you know I can't handle the pressure.  
\- WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO KILL YOURSELF.  
\- I saw no other way out.  
\- THERE ARE SO MANY WAYS OUT OF THAT SITUATION!  
This went on for a couple of minutes. After she calmed down, she talked to you again.  
\- So....... When does your dream end?  
\- I wake up as soon as I pull the trigger on the iron in my mouth.  
\- Okay.  
\- So I wasn't sure whether I had lived or died. I really wasn't sure. Did I really die there and reincarnate here?  
\- You really sound like you're losing your mind.  
\- Oh I am, I assure you.  
\- I think you're our first customer who has killed themselves on one of their dreams.  
\- Oh really? I thought it would be more normal than-  
\- Nothing that comes out of your stupid mouth is normal.  
\- Okay I think I deserve that.  
She sighs audibly.  
\- Thankfully, we can fix it. It'll be 10 bucks and you should be back onto your regular dreams.  
\- I hope I don't dream of you!  
Neither of you laughed. Actually, you think she felt threatened.  
  
5 minutes later, you see her waving you off. You think you can hear her say "don't dream of me or I'll kill you next time!" to you, but you're not really sure.  
You've already walked out of the building.  
As you pass by the doors, you can hear the company jingle:

" _Thank you for being a valued customer of the Fix My BrainTV Repair Services! Remember, we're the only company that streams content directly onto your dreams at night! Catch up with the best TV Shows while sleeping, and don't be left out of your coworkers conversations! Recommend BrainTV to your family, and don't let your dreams be dreams!"_

**Author's Note:**

> This long form joke was born after me and my sister were discussing the news after dinner. One of the news was about covid, and, being both complete assholes, joked about how covid was a boring virus, cause you felt ill and died. If it turned you into something weird and then killed you it'd at least be humorous.  
> The second news was actually about these people that got conned out of their life savings and checking out a fake direction.
> 
> We're not good people.


End file.
